#reader revives every dead npcs

[sena-shi]

Protector of Teyvat (a troll hell-bent on reviving everyone just for fun) P—2

Isekai’d reader who is hell-bent on reviving everyone using your cheat code as the protector of Teyvat. With great power comes great benefits! Teyvat population stonks

Note: asmoday is the unknown god, reader also grants gnosis and visions, isekai, slight sagau, op reader

Summary: You are just a regular human being living your best life on Earth, collecting husbandos and waifus in Genshin Impact when all of a sudden you were isekai'd to Teyvat, but not as a traveler, a creator, or an NPC. You were a very close friend of both Celestia and the Unknown God, who is known as the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles. You too, hold a very important position of the highest order because unbeknownst to the general populace, you are the Protector of Teyvat from the outside forces. And so imagine the Archon's faces when their dead friend suddenly came back to life just so they can accompany you together with Aether and Paimon on a journey to spit on the Celestia's face

Timeline in Teyvat when you got transmigrated: Before any wars happened. Zhongli is probably sucking on a dragon pacifier or something if that even exists.

Warning: curse words, slight ooc, lore flying over the ocean and going for a swim, author removed the lore from the irminsul so act like you know nothing of it, i'm putting the lore in the cheese grater

“T-The hilichurls… turned into humans?” Because of what she had just seen, Amber's eyes were completely expanded, and you could almost get the impression that she was on the verge of exploding any moment now.

You find yourself thinking that it is understandable. After all, raising someone from the dead isn't something that happens very often; in fact, not even archons are able to do it.

You chuckled and smiled sarcastically at the three people who were staring at you in complete and utter disbelief.

You stood there with your arms crossed as you looked over at the hilichurls that had been transformed into humans with confused expressions adorning their faces.

"Oh wow…" You said while putting on a show of ignorance regarding what had just taken place. "What a miracle it is that they have been brought back to life!" You delighted everyone by clapping your hands.

"P-Paimon was very certain that it was Y/N who brought them back to life just now..." Paimon mumbled something to herself as she scratched the top of her head.

“Hm? That is ridiculous. I just smacked them across the face with a fried egg, see?" You answered as you moved closer to the hilichurls that had been converted into humans by slapping their faces with a fried egg that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

And as a matter of fact, a noticeable improvement could be seen in the appearance of the other people's skin after the fried egg had been applied to their faces. They let out a sigh of disgust as they observed the yolk splattered all over their faces.

"Paimon had no idea that a fried egg was capable of doing that..."

Aether shook his head at the innocence of his traveling buddy. It was perfectly clear that you were making light of the situation. At least now he is aware that you were telling the truth when you stated that you allowed the Anemo Archon to have a seat in the seven.

“This—” Amber opened her mouth to speak while simultaneously covered her mouth with her palm in shock. "This is really incredible news! You are able to give them a second chance at life!"

"What caused them to become humans?" Aether questioned while frowning in confusion.

You gave a light hum as you brought your hand up to pet him on the top of his head. "Perhaps your sister knows the answer you're looking for.”

“Our benefactor…” As soon as you turned your attention to them, they started talking, and Aether made a low rumbling sound.

You gave them a sideways glance while turning your head to the side since you thought it was likely that they were bewildered by the situation. Their final recollections would be of fighting for their homeland just before the curse took full impact.

They all got on one knee in front of you, which caused you to raise an eyebrow.

"Ah-ah, there's no need to be grateful to me. You probably aren't aware of this, but I'm a very awful person.” You said with a playful tone.

The people around you gave you a disapproving shake of the head as they expressed their dissatisfaction. Who in the devil would even believe a statement like that after what you have done?

“We were in such a painful dream— we are gratefu—"

You made a huffing sound while crossing your arms. "I find it extremely unpleasant when people thank me or express gratitude in any form. You deserve to live, no? I was only performing my duties at the time."

"Paimon speculates that Y/N is simply not accustomed to being thanked at...?"

You let out a sigh and shook your head in a deliberate manner. You looked down at them and they immediately thanked whichever gods were responsible for allowing them the opportunity to finally take a good look at the face of the one who had helped them.

They feel as though fortune was on their side because a God gazed at them with such kindness in their eyes, despite the fact that they were literally citizens from a nation that does not worship any gods.

"How can we possibly repay you...?"

You cocked your head to the side and hummed to yourself while you started to think.

“Brace yourselves.” You spoke.

“Wha—?”

"Oh, wait, here, have this." You smiled broadly as a variety of visions comprising a range of elements appeared seemingly out of thin air.

They did nothing but blink in bewilderment as they held the small vision in their hands, looking like toddlers who had been given machine guns.

At this very moment, Amber was on the verge of passing out. Witnessing a group of individuals all at once getting their visions is unsettling to say the least. It feels even more wrong to breathe the same air as you!

Oh, my archons, her life is not a sufficient payment to be able to witness such a once-in-a-lifetime event!

 “Let’s all hang out once in awhile, hm? Don’t forget to say hello to Lulu for me!”

Aether raised a brow. Lulu?

With a wave of your hand, they vanished into thin air, and you sent them to a place where Lumine and the Abyss Order are currently staying.

To say that Lumine was horrified to the core when a group of humans suddenly appeared above the head of the abyss mage who was just talking to her would be an enormous understatement.

"Y-You can grant visions too!?" The scream that Paimon let out was so loud that it made you wince.

“Sorry!”

You indicated with a wave of your hand that everything was fine, and Paimon immediately let out a sigh of relief.

"Aether, do you know her, or is she a stranger?" Amber's lips were covered as she leaned in close to the man and mumbled something. In response, he gave a nod that conveyed something close to uncertainty.

You snorted as you extended your hand in front of Paimon and insisted that she give you, her hand. And as she did, a gnosis appeared in your hand.

"Oh, my dear archons!" Paimon reacted, fixating her gaze intently on the bright object that was floating directly above your palm.

"If we were to sell this, we could make a ton of Mora!"

“What—!?” Amber and Aether shouted at the same time.

You blinked and stroked your chin with your index finger as if you were considering what you had just heard. "If I remember correctly, there was a term for buy one and get one free. What if we double it?"

"No no no! Paimon is not even certain that there is a single person in Teyvat who can afford a gnosis! In addition to that, don't you think the other archons will feel uncomfortable about it?”

"Why should we worry about how they feel?" You huffed as you continued, "The one ruling Inazuma handed her gnosis to a friend, the one ruling Mondstadt doesn't even use it, and the one ruling Liyue will probably give up his gnosis in the near future.

"Well, if we're talking about the wealthiest individual in Teyvat right this minute..." You made a soft mumbling sound.

“Should we offer it for sale to the Tsaritsa? You smiled mischievously while cocking your head ever-so-slightly to the side.

As soon as you uttered that, an excruciating ringing sound immediately started up in your head. You gritted your teeth and squeezed one of your eyes shut.

“Y/N, are you okay?” You heard Aether’s worried voice.

"I thought we were each other's best friends! You should be aware that she wants a fight with me!” You can clearly hear Celestia nitpicking away inside of your head. As is her custom, she is highly dramatic.

“Well, it’s partly your fault that she wants to fight you.”

The three looked at you in surprise and astonishment as your choice of words came out of nowhere. To silence them, all you did was give them your whole attention while pressing a finger to your lips.

“Hmph…” You could hear her dejected voice.

“Oh hush, you have me. Just let them do their own thing for now.”

“Alright, but why are you selling a gnosis?”

"Creating a strategy for one's own survival is the first step toward leading a more fulfilling life," After having a good laugh, you promptly severed your connection with the Celestia before she could even begin to complain again.

“At least come visit us—!”

Oh, your closest friends and their overprotective tendencies when it comes to you. Why won't they just let you breathe and stop figuratively and physically clutching onto you for dear life?

"Your highness, who were you speaking with only a moment ago?" Amber stuttered, and for some reason, despite her outgoing nature, she found herself experiencing sudden feelings of shyness. I mean, really, how could you possibly hold that against her?

She hasn't even entertained the thought of speaking with an archon, and yet here she is having a conversation with someone who is significantly more powerful than the archons!

“Oh please, Y/N is fine,” you gave her a friendly smile and told her, “The Celestia is in full support of our business!”

They were all shocked beyond belief and let out a collective gasp.

As they imagined every people of Teyvat holding a gnosis, everyone in the room began to break out in a cold sweat at the back of their necks. You couldn't possibly be serious, could you? Surely you must have been joking. Right?

You met three new people along the way, and the four of you set off on a journey to the city that is known for its freedom. They all came to an agreement that the information on your identity and the incident with the hilichurls should not be shared with anybody else.

You trailed closely behind them, periodically turning your head to take in the beautiful surroundings and the people who belonged to your little archon.

“Let me officially introduce the city of wind, dandelions, and freedom— Travelers under the protection of the Knights of Favonius — Welcome to Mondstadt!” Amber grinned broadly as she placed her hand on her chest and cupped her other hand on her hip.

"O-Oh, not that her highness Y/N doesn't already know about Mondstadt...” Amber massaged the back of her head nervously as you made her blush with your laughter.

"I don't. I didn't have enough time to look into it, so I'm grateful for the introduction. Mm, the only figure of this nation that I am familiar with is the archon,” You were able to make her feel better with the words that you spoke, and now Amber can be seen beaming with happiness once more.

That, as well, is a blatant lie. You have completed so many commissions in this nation while you were still a player, so of course you are familiar with every nook and cranny of this city.

You didn't say anything while Amber and Paimon went into great length explaining things to Aether; the only thing you did was hum sometimes in reaction to what they were saying.

You were on the sidelines as Aether received his wind glider and put it through its trials for the first time, which resulted in a successful outcome.

Ha, that kid used to fly around with his very own set of wings before.

You swung your legs around gleefully as you sat precariously perched over the railings.

It is only a matter of time before the city is shrouded by ominous clouds and Dvalin makes another appearance. This means that you will be able to see your little floatie as well.

Aether descended toward Amber, who was standing there waiting for him once more, as the three of them observed that thick clouds and fog had begun to cover the skies above Mondstadt.

“The sky...” Amber uttered those words with a note of apprehension.

People immediately began fleeing to safer areas as Aether and Amber gazed up at you with worried expressions on their faces, as if pleading with you to take some action.

You only smiled at them before speaking the words, “The stormterror is absolutely adorable, no doubt about it, no?

“E—Eh!?” Your response caused Paimon to exclaim, and at that very moment, a wind tornado was closing in on them and ultimately launched Aether into the air.

You heaved a sigh as you stood up from the rails, your palm shining with some unknown power as a barrier began to enclose the city and prevent any harm from approaching.

You sighed again as you began to protect the citizens of the city. However, since you didn't make an effort to clear away the fog, everything will continue to be a mystery.

You cast your sight upward, in the direction of where Aether is floating in the air thanks to Venti's power, and the two people who were observing you followed your gaze in that direction.

"Don't worry, your highness! We will be all right!"

You couldn't help but laugh as you soared to the location of Aether, where you could sense Venti disguising as one of the thousand winds.

“I’m preventing your fall with the power of a thousand winds.”

“Oh? Little floatie came into rescue too?” You teased as the mysterious voice began stammering.

“L-Little floatie…?”

"Alright, alright, let's concentrate on this," You gave Aether a friendly smile while you ruffled his silky locks with your fingertips.

"Don't worry about a thing; little floatie will look after you."

Aether frowned, indicating that he found the idea quite unappealing. "How about you?"

You hummed as you sensed the wind from Venti moving closer to you as though it was also interested in you.

"I'm quite curious to find out if slapping a fried egg on the stormterror's blood clot will be of any assistance."

Aether's jaw dropped in disbelief. You’re still not done with the fried eggs!?

"Hey, what do you think of this idea, little floatie?"

The mysterious voice heaved a cough and mumbled, "Eh..."

After hearing their response, you rolled your eyes at them. They had a feeling that you wouldn't be speaking anytime soon, so Venti made the decision to explain how to make use of the power.

You were observing everything that was going on around Aether as he started to harness the power of the wind.

You made a few comments about how the wind power looked like a machine gun which made Venti cough multiple times to hide his laughter.

“Not enough. Do you want me to slap you with an almond tofu for an increased damage?”

“W—What?”

You didn't bother to wait for his approval before presenting him with the plate of almond tofu that magically emerged in your hands and then you gently slapped it in front of his face.

It was such a surprising thing that you could practically feel Venti shaking, which almost caused him to lose control of the wind. It was that shocking.

As Aether took the final shot, Dvalin let out a roar, and you swiftly flew over to the dragon, which appeared to be about to collapse as it was shaking in the wind.

Venti stayed only long enough to watch the softening of your eyes as you stared at the blood clot on the dragon's back. Aether slowly flew down to the area where the others are, but Venti did not leave.

He watched as your bright hands gently caressed the dark crystal, which immediately silenced the dragon's roaring.

You were reluctant to completely remove the blood clot because it was Venti and Aether's responsibility to do it. However, because you are so compassionate toward individuals who are suffering, all you did was relieve the discomfort that the dragon was experiencing.

It is completely up to destiny to decide whether or not the abyss mage will still be able to exert control over the dragon.

"Little floatie," You moved your attention to the wind that was swirling. "The traveler is known to be trustworthy. I have complete faith that you are aware of the next steps."

The strong wind has started to die down, and the only sound that can be heard out is a faint “thank you.”

You led the weakened dragon back to the ground, and as soon as the two of you landed, three abyss mages suddenly appeared. You grimaced when you realized that Lumine must have sent them to seek you out.

"Our gracious benefactor," An abyss mage started things off. "Our princess would want to offer her sincere gratitude to—"

You heaved a sigh as you frowned and crossed your arms while looking at them. "I believed that I conveyed to them that receiving gratitude is not something that I like in any way,"

“Uh… they may have mentioned that.”

You gave your temples a light massage as the headache began to set in and asked, "So why are you here?"

"We would like to make a request that you lend us a hand in the restoration of our once-thriving nation and in rescuing its people from the curse."

"Oh, I had already made preparations to carry out that task," You gave your response, and then proceeded to yawn.

If only they knew that your two friends were the cause of their fall, they probably wouldn't be as friendly with you as they are now if they knew that.

As they drifted closer to you, the abyss mages showed signs of happiness; however, when they heard your next words, "But not right now," their happiness quickly turned to disappointment, and they almost plummeted to the ground.

“But— why?”

"Of what use is a nation if it does not have its people?" As you lounged contentedly on Dvalin's back, a sluggish expression began to appear on your face.

“So…”

"If I happen to come across one of your own, you can rest assured that I will deliver them to your princess so that she may deal with them." You uttered those words in a languid manner while staring at them. "Focus on gathering your people, since your nation will not all of a sudden grow a foot and run anyways." 

"We are in all sincerity grateful for—"

“Hush.”

They abruptly stopped speaking once they were reminded that you do not enjoy receiving gratitude or hearing thank yous in any form.

You are truly a weird God— they think. But kind like their princess, nonetheless.

“Then we shall return.”

You made a careless motion with your hand, indicating for them to leave immediately.

“Tell your princess that she should at least pay a visit to her twin, and if she does that, maybe I'll feel more motivated to assist you.”

Your level of excitement and enthusiasm is to be expected, of course. The sooner they come to an understanding with one another, the sooner they will get the fuck out of Teyvat.

That means, you won't have any more job to do. On the other hand, you get the impression that it won't be all that simple.

Not with the looks that Aether was giving you, and not with Lumine's nature, which dictates that she won't stop until she pays back whoever helped her out.

Just hush and go, okay!? What is it that they have planned for the following step? Bring themselves to their knees and make a formal request for your hand in marriage? You let out a sigh as the thought crossed your mind.

In spite of the fact that you intended to rebuild the once-mighty nation, you wanted to execute it in private. There is no question in your mind that once they discovered who their benefactor is, then and only then will they revere that benefactor. What then will become of a nation that does not believe in God or even worship one?

The mages of the abyss remained silent for a short while as they observed various expressions adorning your face. It turned out to be quite comical. It's no surprise that their princess was so interested in interacting with you that she issued a command to find you.

They continued to observe you while you glared, huffed, and grimaced at the ground, and it wasn't until you frowned at them that they eventually left with a quiet "thank you."

You rolled your eyes. “What a bunch of brats.”

As soon as you arrived back in Mondstadt, you saw the three of them speaking to Kaeya. Although the fog has long since dissipated, the sky itself is still completely dark.

As you made your way slowly towards the folks who were introducing themselves, you waved your hand and the barrier vanished before your eyes. 

“This is Kaeya, our Cavalry Captain.” Amber carried on talking as if she had not noticed your presence and proceeded. “These two are travelers from afar, Aether and Paimon.”

Kaeya looked at the two individuals and gave a nod in acknowledgement. He then made direct eye contact with you and asked, "And who might this young lady possibly be?"

Amber's eyes widened as she shifted her gaze back and forth between Kaeya and you. Kaeya saw the outrider's expression, which seemed to indicate that she was at a loss for words regarding how to introduce you.

Your presence elevated the level of excitement that he felt towards everything.

“Oh, I’m Y/N. I sell visions and gnoses.” You responded with an expression on your face that was completely expressionless, and your voice was completely emotionless, which made the situation even more awkward and unbelievable.

The response that you gave seemed to take Kaeya completely by surprise. You? Selling visions? How in the devil is something like that ever feasible? And just what exactly are gnoses?

“Uh… haha…” Amber, at a complete loss for words, scratched the nape of her neck.

"Oh? I had no idea that lady Y/N is such a practical joker,” Even though Kaeya appeared to be laughing, there was not the slightest indication of humor in his voice.

"Uh-huh, you bet! Paimon is in agreement that Y/N has a tendency to joke around quite a bit!” In a frantic effort to salvage the situation, Paimon quickly nodded her head.

"Well, if you want to buy one, all you have to do is ask me..." You just said it while crossing your arms.

“Oh? I was wondering if you could sell me one then." It appeared as though Kaeya was making fun of you with his charming smile; in fact, it almost felt that way.

You seemed curious about something as you cocked your head to the side and then asked, "Don't you already have a vision though?"

"Well, having two would certainly make things more interesting, wouldn't you say?"

You took a moment to think about it before giving your approval with a nod. As you lifted your hands and opened your palms, visions of several elements, each glowing brightly, suddenly appeared.

Huh? He thought you were just joking the whole time!

It would be an understatement to say that Kaeya was caught off guard by the revelation. Are you a fraud? A magician perhaps? However, the visions you are holding exude such an overwhelming amount of power that it is difficult to even consider the possibility that they are a fake.

“Mm, you’re my first customer, so in appreciation of your patronage, I'll give you a discount if you buy Aether and Paimon a meal. Fair trade, don't you think?”

What fair trade? A simple meal in exchange for a vision? Do you not realize that visions are extraordinarily rare, and that the vast majority of people would give anything — including their lives — to receive one?

Of course you're aware of it; you're just messing with them for the sake of witnessing their reactions. It's likely that protecting Teyvat for thousands of years has had an effect on you, as seen by the fact that you're even doing this for no other reason than boredom.

Kaeya remained motionless in his stance; his eyes riveted on the bright visions that had no owner. After snapping out of his trance, he took off his cloak and wrapped it around you in a tender manner.

You made a sound that indicated that you were confused as he said, "Let's continue this conversation to our headquarters."

"Tch, I really need to bring Crepus back to life so that he can scold his children to death."

"Are you going to use fried eggs for that man too?" Paimon inquired, which caused Kaeya's surprise and horror to reach an even higher level.

Too? Does that mean that this wouldn't be your first time bringing someone back to life?

Now, Kaeya is positive that he wishes he could just pass out right there and then.

TAGLIST: @valeriele3 @lunarapple @meikoo

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[spiderceo]

Can you make a hc of wally and the gang playing evade with the reader? if you don't know about evade, Evade is a game on roblox where you run away from the NPCS chasing you. You can revive players by carrying them away from the NPCS and revive them, You should look at the videos on tiktok for info or play it on roblox! (SORRY IF THIS IS CRINGE OR BAD GRAMMAR. IM NOT GOOD AT EXPLAINING THINGS😭-)

WELCOME HOME PLAYS EVADE

ft. you!

warnings: none

a/n: this idea is so funny to me jshsjsh and don’t worry about anything being ‘cringe’. cringe culture is dead and this is a judgement free blog <3

also i’m just gonna assume that the neighbourhood has access to the internet and roblox for the sake of entertainment purposes lol

master post

🍬 when julie initially introduced the game to everyone, most of you were apprehensive. the game didn’t look like much from the description she gave you but now that you’ve been playing it for hours on end, you were most definitely wrong-

🍬 let’s just say there is always a lot of screaming (mostly from eddie and sally).

🍬 wally practically owns all the cosmetics in the game. goodness knows how he even managed that.

🍬 you are everyone’s saviour. you’ve ran out of fingers (and toes) to count the amount of times you’ve had to run into the direct line of danger to save frank or howdy from the jaws of death.

🍬 barnaby once got stuck in an emote and couldn’t figure out how to stop it while running. you’d just round a corner and there would be barnaby’s roblox avatar breakdancing as he screams for everyone to run in the other direction.

🍬 eddie, bless his heart, sacrifices himself for frank every time it’s needed. the gesture is cute but frank always tells him off for not playing the game correctly.

🍬 poppy usually sticks with you the entire game thanks to not being the greatest with technology. she is always asking what the mechanics of the game do whenever she forgets.

🍬 wally is such a cheat. if he can sacrifice any of you to save himself, he will. he finds it hilarious when you give him the biggest look of betrayal.

🍬 “i saved your skin! how could you?!”

i’ve only ever played evade a total of two times, both with my sister, so i tried to leave this kinda vague with just the general idea of the game in mind xoxo

next part >

[fluffypotatey]

OK SO. the animations family.

first off i have to explain the QSMP a bit. the QSMP (nobody's really sure what the q stands for afaik) is a multilingual minecraft smp that first started in march 2023. the original server roster was 16 players, half of whom were hispanic and half who were english speakers. (this was bc quackity, the guy who came up with the server and did all the planning and stuff, is bilingual and wanted to unite his two communities). one of these original 16 was jaiden animations (this is important). on the first day of the server, these 16 members were stranded in a place called Quesadilla Island, which is controlled by a mysterious and sinister Federation (run by a weird little guy named Cucurucho)

okay, you know the trope of science projects where you get split up into pairs and have to take care of an egg together? they literally did that. All of the players were split into pairs of one spanish-speaker and one english-speaker, and tasked with taking care of an egg (actually a special NPC played by a server admin). the eggs started out with two lives each, and once those lives were out, the egg's gone for good, and your in-game child is dead. (this is a secret surprise tool that will help us later!)

one of these parenting pairs was jaiden animations and roier, and their egg's name was bobby. bobby was a rambunctious little fella- artistic, brave, very aggressive- and an absolute mama's boy. jaiden, roier, and bobby (aka the animations family) all got along very well, and tbh i need to go rewatch jaiden's vods of them bc they were so sweet together. jaiden changed her minecraft skin to match bobby's so they were both wearing overalls together.

(^ mentally i am here)

jaiden's character (or cubito, a word from the spanish speaking community that essentially means "minecraft roleplay character" that p much the whole community uses now bc its so damn cute) was aroace (just like jaiden in real life!), so she and q!roier were in a qpr co-parenting situation. and it was really sweet and i miss them. can you tell i miss them.

(drawing done by jaiden of roier, bobby, and herself) (the qsmp has an art mod btw)

now, astute readers may have noticed that i use "was" for both jaiden and bobby. on may 17th, 2023, bobby lost his second life to a vindicator and was ruled permanently dead. roier was there at the time, I believe, but was unable to save bobby in time. when jaiden found out, she SCREAMED and it was like. you know in hamilton how when phillip dies eliza screams? it sounded like that. (she also chased after the sunset while saying "wait for me" over and over again, it was really heartbreaking and im still a little bit insane about this).

the next day, the whole server went on a journey to the dungeon bobby died in, to plead with cucurucho for his revival. cucurucho refused to bring bobby back permanently, but allowed jaiden and roier ten minutes to talk with him and say their goodbyes. bobby asked them to remember him every time they saw a sunset.

(^ the last time the whole animations family was together. this was 9.5 months ago).

neither q!jaiden nor q!roier ever really fully recovered from bobby's death (although id say jaiden was hit way harder due to not having a support system outside of roier and cucurucho, who took advantage of her grief to manipulate her). there are some other things that happened here, such as q!roier getting married to a cellbit, a brazilian player working as a double agent of sorts within the federation, and purgatory (all the players were teleported to an island, separated into three groups, and forced to fight one another. in the end the island got blown up by a nuke).

on sunday, cc!jaiden talked about her qsmp character, ultimately stating that she was taking a long break from the server, that she had given the admins permission to do whatever they want with her character's absence, and essentially announced that unless the admins stated otherwise, q!jaiden had died in the nuke explosion in purgatory, firmly destroying the animations family.

(to me, the saddest part is that, recently, new eggs were assigned to groups of childless players, and both jaiden and roier got the chance to raise new eggs, with jaiden being assigned to empanada and roier currently being pepito's sole active parent. and all q!jaiden wanted was to be a mom. she died never knowing she had a second chance to rebuild her family. i am no okay.)

in conclusion:

THE LOVE WAS THERE AND THERE WAS NOTHING THEY CAN DO. I AM CRYING IN REAL LIFE I MISS HER SO BAD. SHE'S WITH BOBBY NOW.

oh

[shekinah-the-second]

The Nerubian empire being in a tundra always made me wonder why Blizzard chose such a weird place for spider people. In the unlikely event that spiders do end up living in the tundra, it likely wouldn't be for very long. Spiders are more likely to survive in forests, where they would hibernate in the winter, or in the case of some species, simply die and while the next generation of spiderkin mature and head off to eat ALL the insects. Spiders like warmer climates best, because that's where the food is most likely to be. In WoW's case? You bet your ass there's insects in warm places.

Logically, Silithus would be where the Nerubians should be. It's warm, there's no shortage of food, and look at that, they think they have an empire. Ohhh, child.

Logic isn't the only reason I think of Silithus when I think of the Nerubian empire. When I hear Abub'arak--or read it, I guess--one name comes to mind: Anubis, god of the afterlife. I don't know if Blizzard meant to invoke this when they created Anub'arak, and heaven knows that there are more blatant images of Anubis in the Ahn'Qiraj raids, but it still springs to mind. It doesn't help that the Nerubian empire uses powerful colors in their empire when we go to Azjol-Nerub. Black, blues, greens, and most striking to me, purple. (And no, I cannot show you an image, mostly because the screenshots I've taken of the dungeon are focused more on my character than on the architecture. Sorry!)

Now, purple doesn't just pop out at me because it's my favorite color. It's also because, in WoW, it's invocative of shadow magic, which we've seen primarily in Twilight's Hammer, who fucking love Silithus. Their robes are a dark violet, dark enough to the point where I wonder if some of them died from heat exhaustion, and the crystals around Silithus are a rusty purple-ish hue. The parallel of a spider empire and an insectoid one are not lost on me either, and that's something I believe Blizzard intended (though whether or not they were successful with this intention is up to the reader).

Now, as much as I love Wrath of the Lich King, I do think that with the Nerubian Empire and its remainders, few that they were, should not have been in Northrend. We already had the Scourge, an old god, more trolls, dragons, and proto-humans. Not every expansion needs to have ALL THE LORE crammed in, as too much on one's plate can lead to people not wanting to eat at all (which is a common complaint I hear about Cataclysm, that there was way too much going on). If it were me, I would have the Nerubian Empire, or what remained of it, in Silithus. Instead of night elf buildings in the area, there would be Nerubian. There would be a constant war, ever shifting with the sands, between the Qiraji and the Nerubians. The night elves, in my humble opinion, would be wise enough to stay out of that, but would still monitor it. After all, the victor could and probably would be their next enemy. Hell, even the dragons would probably stay out of it, though they would watch from the skies.

Back to Anub'arak now. In Wrath, he's undead. He's been dead for a long time, and Ner'zhul decided to raise him from death and force him and his minions into servitude. The ones who are alive despise the Scourge and see Anub'arak as a traitor. The undead ones, well, they probably don't really think. Except for Anub'arak himself, since he's actually able to speak and not just hiss and skitter and kill. Northrend is rife with undeath, but it's not as commonly seen in Silithus. Yes, there are the ghosts of sentinels and druids, but those are more spirits who have unfinished business. That is not to say, however, that something cannot be undead in Silithus.

Enter Moam.

This thing is not undead, but what it is is a living statue. It was built by Emperor Vek'lor as a Destroyer that would put all others to shame. Apparently he succeeded, too, because this guy's a boss in the Ruins of Ahn'Qiraj. The reason I bring this up, though, is because it started out as a statue, something that was inanimate and not alive in the slightest. But C'thun gave it life, and it became a living statue. To me, that isn't all that different from giving a corpse life. I'm not talking a fresh corpse, such as someone who is dead for ten minutes tops. I'm talking dead-dead. Like, mummy dead. Not being able to be revived even as a miracle dead. You get the idea, I'm sure. With this in mind, this would work for an undead Nerubian and his minions to once again rise from the depths of the sands, or hell, just remain underground and be forced into servitude of their enemies. Well, the leader of their enemies, I guess. But I still like idea of at least one Qiraji being a dick about it and having the Nerubian "servants" do the menial work. And Anub'arak? Oh yes, you can be damned sure there would be hell for him to pay.

Now, theoretically, this could go on for some time. Let's say the Qiraji were more vindictive about it, and they end up torturing some Nerubians to death (again). C'thun could bring them back to "life," but I don't think he would do this forever. C'thun, remember, is using the Qiraji, and their bullshit would probably not interest him. Why should he fix their toys if they're just going to keep breaking them? He doesn't care about their petty egos. He wants the world. Let's say Anub'arak does die again, and the Qiraji ask C'thun once again for him to be raised. C'thun does so, but he also brings back Anub'arak's intelligence. No longer is this beast a mindless slave. Oh, and he remembers the humiliating defeat, as well as the tortures from his previous lives. He ain't here to do the clean-up anymore, unless it means cleaning the Ruins of Ahn'qiraj of all this insectoid filth.

Now, imagine this in-game. It would be big, I think, because Silithus was pretty huge when the questline and raids were released. Imagine walking into the Ruins, and doing it as normal, with the possible hints here and there that there's something going on at the temple that was not meant to. Of course, this piques the interest of the player, and probably their characters as well. RP-wise, this has a lot of potential. Going into the Temple, it's an entirely different scene. It's all-out war between the Nerubians and the Qiraji. You could potentially pick a side, with a Qiraji quest-giver on one side of the entrance, and a Nerubian one on the other. Choosing one over the other would lead you to be Neutral with the side you choose, and Hated with the side you're against. You could also choose not to accept either quest, but this would make the raid harder, as you'd have Qiraji AND Nerubians coming after you (whether or not the loot would effect this, I don't know; loot in vanilla WoW was random as all hell, and any kind of increase in drops were practically negligent).

The quest you choose would lead to a cutscene, which would be a convenient way to load the raid so you would fight the appropriate bosses. The cutscene would basically be the NPC talking about war and them and rewards and blah blah, you're clearly evil, but so are they, so give me shinies. The camera would pan through the temple, showing Qiraji and Nerubians fighting to the death, and showing the appropriate bosses where they would be, whether they were Qiraji or Nerubian. If the raid leader did not choose a quest, however, the raid would be presented as thus: there would still be fighting amongst Nerubians and Qiraji, but once aggro'd, both would attack the raid. The bosses would all likely have scenes. For example, Prophet Skeram and a Nerubian prophet. They would be bickering and hissing at each other, both wanting to stop the raid as it enters, but wanting to do so for Qiraji/Nerubian. Each boss would have a different loot table, but only one would be fought (no, we are not doing Twin Emperor fights for every raid boss, that is suicide). Depending on which one is aggro'd, the other would fuck off, basically saying something along the lines of "I hope it hurts for you as much as it has me" or maybe "I'll enjoy watching this." I dunno, I'm not good at boss one-liners.

The Prophet Skeram/The Prophet... Thoth'ax? (Look, I'm trying here, okay?) Silithid Royalty/Nerubian Miners Battleguard Sartura/Silkcloak Obzor Fankriss the Undying/Lykho'sedat the Patient Viscidus (seriously, though, fuck that thing, go frost or go home, I guess) Princess Huhuran/The Silver Bones Twin Emperors/Anub'arak Ouro/Scorpio? C'thun

I'm not going to go through every boss encounter with painstaking detail (although if there is interest in it, I'll definitely come up with attacks and strategies!). This is just a basic idea of what players and characters are going to end up facing. Either way ends up leading to C'thun, but once C'thun is down, in comes the quest giver, crawling in and skittering up to the party. He thanks you, for whatever that's worth, and you get rep boost (in addition to the reputation you have gained and lost from killing one side instead of the other), but something unsaid also happens. A quartermaster is present in the entrance of the dungeon, next to the questgiver, when entered a second time. Of course, vanilla wasn't known for giving out tons of reputation, it was all about the grind, you get to see what wears are being sold to you that you can get in exchange for what drops from mobs and bosses. Of course, this would be gated by reputation, with the best loot being available at Exalted, but starting at Neutral, you can get food/drink and potions that would give you a minor boost on some fights (+10 shadow resistance, for example, or a bonus to HP). For the Neutral goodies, it would require "shells" that drop from trash mobs. Starting at Friendly, you'll need drops from bosses, because that's when you start getting the good stuff. Weapons, armor, rings, trinkets. Relics and totems, too, because druids and shamans need love, too. Maybe off-hands as well, but I don't remember off-hands being used prominently in vanilla.

As always, I would love to hear feedback!

Moam image courtesy of Wowpedia.

[technewss15-blog]

Funny To A Point – Heeding The Call In Destiny 2

After years of listening to gamers gripe about how the original Destiny ruined their lives in every conceivable way (even as they logged in hundreds of hours), Destiny 2 is finally here. Does the shiny new sequel provide Bungie with the redemption it doesn’t really need and has never asked for? Seeing as how all the early criticism has focused on the way shaders are used to paint your guardian pretty colors, it seems like the answer is yes. But we all know that the real verdict won’t be rendered until the professional critics weigh in – and we all know that the only professional critic that really matters is ME. Well, fear not, dear readers: Like my hideous Smurfette of a guardian, I am up to the task and ready to save the day!

Full disclosure: I never actually managed to finish the original Destiny. I played for about a week or so when the game first came out, but lost interest when that weird emo prince showed up in the incomprehensible-yet-paradoxically-simple story. My experience with Destiny since then has been downloading every new expansion and then feeling progressively more guilty for not actually playing them.

So what imbues me with the expertise needed to weigh in on Destiny 2, you ask? Well, for starters I was one of the first critics to identify and outline some of the major problems of the first Destiny – I was so early, in fact, that I received a massive amount of hate from the same super fans who would become Destiny’s super haters once they realized I knew what the hell I was talking about. I also cracked Destiny’s biggest secret, which has still eluded everyone else, so I think that makes me the King of Destiny? I dunno. Anywho, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Note: You can click on any of the pictures for a better look at whatever misadventures are being documented.

Destiny 2’s opening cinematic lays out the series’ plot like it’s reading a picture book to a child, and it’s a decision that I wholly appreciate. At this point, all I really remember about the first game is that a giant ping-pong ball gave my zombie soldier some sweet superpowers, which I used to kill a bunch of angry aliens as I searched for shiny balls engrams to score more loot. The intro doesn’t contain any huge revelations (“a mysterious good force is fighting a mysterious evil force!”), but I no longer felt the need to look up a plot synopsis on a Destiny fan wiki after watching it, and for that I’m eternally grateful.

Actually, Destiny 2’s intro did contain one particularly rude revelation: Because I didn’t max out my Destiny 1 guardian (I’m going to go ahead and blame Prince Creep for that), I can’t import her into the sequel. So as far as I can tell, from a lore perspective my original guardian gets blasted to smithereens during the cabal attack that kicks off Destiny 2. Not being able to carry over my character isn’t a huge loss, but it does undermine the fantasy a bit:

The Speaker: “You are the chosen Guardian, who will rise from the dead and save humanity from the galaxy’s greatest thr–“

*BLAMMO!!!* [Guardian’s head explodes into a fine mist.]

The Speaker: [Shuffling over to the next corpse] “Ahem…You are the chosen guardian…”

Anyway, with my old guardian now super-forever dead, I resign myself to creating a new character from scratch. I go with the Hunter class, because like me they are crafty and roguish and it’s my fantasy world so I’ll believe whatever I want! I also opt for a female Awoken, because humans are boring and robots are probably going to kill us all one day and I don’t need to be reminded of it every time I pull the trigger. At this point I realize I’ve remade all the same class choices I did in the first game, so I decide to just remake my character entirely. Think you’re getting rid of my guardian that easy? Think again!

Creating a character in a game usually turns into an all-night affair for me, as I obsessively shift every slider back and forth to its extremes before settling on the default position. Not so in Destiny 2! You get to create the exact hero of your dreams – by choosing from 7 stock faces and a handful of the ugliest hairstyles imaginable, because apparently the barbers were the first ones to be killed off in the apocalypse. Normally my wife weighs in on every minute detail during the character creation process, but the only feedback she offers me about Destiny 2’s limited options is that one hairstyle in particular makes my character “look like a heathen.” I’m not even sure what that means.

This just looks like Conan The Barbarian’s haircut to me, though come to think of it he probably was a heathen, so I guess she was right after all.

I opt for a crazy space mohawk instead, then move on to the face tattoos, which are always being as pointless and ill-advised in character creators as they are in real-life. Even so, Destiny 2 sets a new low bar for the extraneous category. Once again, I imagine an intern – possibly the same one who made Andromeda’s preset faces for BioWare – whipped them up in a matter of minutes.

Intern: “Hey, here are some face dots.”

Bungie Employee: “…You mean freckles?”

Intern: “Nah man, just face dots.”

Bungie Employee: “Alrighty then. Next!”

Somehow my guardian ends up looking vaguely like Margaery Tyrell, if she was thrown into the Mad Max universe and also purple for some reason. As totally rad as that sounds, I immediately regret every decision I made as soon as she pops up in the first actual cutscene – the gaming equivalent of getting dressed in the dark and then realizing you’re wearing your wife’s shirt as soon as you step out into the sunlight.* My wife also didn’t seem impressed, simply stating, “she looks quite striking,” which I assume is a polite euphemism for fugly. But whatever – at least it’s time to finally start playing!

Destiny 2 wastes no time getting into the action; after a brief cutscene starring the three characters from the first game that actually had faces, players are thrust into battle against a new faction of turtle-looking enemies called the Cabal. The Cabal are hellbent on destroying The Last City, which would normally be the name of a piece of armor or some robot butler in a Bungie game, but in this case it’s an actual city. Come to think of it, the Cabal is also a perfectly adequate name for an enemy faction…has Bungie lost its edge?!

What the heck are the space moles from Mass Effect doing in Destiny? And why are they so mean?!

The gameplay opens with your guardian returning to The Last City after some kind of patrol (or a sandwich run for we all know), and landing on the outskirts of the siege. I spend a few minutes of getting reacquainted with the controls, which includes immediately throwing a grenade at my feet and blasting away half my health. From there it’s on to the first battle, though things don’t go quite how I expect.

Even after all these years, I still remember my first open-ended skirmish in Halo; how dynamic the battle felt, and how the A.I. enemies seemed to be thinking and reacting for themselves. In contrast, much of the opening level in Destiny 2 feels more like Disney’s It’s A Small World ride than an FPS, as you’re guided from one small murder diorama to the next. Even for a self-grenading chump like myself, the initial enemies you face are about as threatening as the paper silhouettes at a shooting range, taking a step or two and then waiting politely for you to shoot their heads into some kind of ghost vapor. On the positive side, the controls feel as silky smooth as ever, and the first two guns I picked up were called Origin Story and The Last Dance, so at least Bungie’s still got it!

After a few more underwhelming encounters, the game’s seamless co-op kicks in – another guardian is just over the ridge and is in need of reviving! I’m not sure how he managed to die during this dog and pony show, but by the time I get over to him, a third player has him back up on his feet. It’s the thought that counts though, right?

Our improvised trio rallies around the bald dude who despite being a blue alien is always going to be Captain Daniels to me and anyone else who has seen The Wire (to my wife he’s the captain from Fringe, which is basically the same role only with parallel universes thrown into the mix). Daniels tells me that I should stay behind his shield, but I get annihilated by an incoming missile before it’s even deployed. So that’s how my co-op buddy died…

The Night King shows up in Destiny 2, but apparently he’s a good guy now.

One of my anonymous pals revives me and we hunker down and fight off a few waves of enemies together. It’s a cool, ships-passing-in-the-night kind of moment that reminds me of Journey, albeit with more guns and grenades and slaughtering aliens as they mindlessly funnel into my murder canal.** Once the assault ends, I turn to wave to my teammates, only to see that they have disappeared without so much as a goodbye –apparently manners were also a casualty of the apocalypse.

I move onto the next area and run into another NPC who I should probably know from the first game, but she promptly tells me that she’s going to “kick the Cabal where it hurts,” and then jumps onto the nose of a spaceship and disappears. I assume she’s talking about their space nards, though that’s an assumption in and of itself – how does she know the Cabal are males? Way to assume their gender, only human lady left on whatever planet this is. Seriously, is this Earth? Whatever. On to the next fight!

The next encounter actually gives me a run for my money, thanks to one enemy in particular: Pashk, The Searing Will. I know that’s his name because I actually took extra damage just to grab a screen of it.

No wonder he’s fighting so hard – people have probably made fun of his name for his whole life!

Unfortunately for him, Pashk is no match for Ode To An Unbroken Heart, which is the name I just gave my melee knife because two can play that game, Bungie!

With Pashk’s searing will extinguished, I head onto the next area, only to trigger a cutscene that introduces Destiny 2’s villain: a massive Cabal warrior named Ghaul. Well, mostly massive – his tiny bald head makes him look like a dude in a mascot suit who took his head off for a breather. Also, what is with villains wearing masks that distort their voices? Have we learned nothing from Bane?

I’m sorry, a world without what? Work on your enunciation, Ghaul! Also, why yo head so tiny?

Regardless, Ghaul gives a little speech about how puny guardians are, then drives the point home by planting his foot in my face and kicking me off of the magic tower we were trying to defend. As if that’s not bad enough, he also puts some kind of massive chastity belt on the ping-pong ball Traveler, which sucks away all the guardians’ superpowers. Talk about rude!

Despite just being a regular alien lady again, my guardian somehow survives the stories-high fall off the magic tower – though I guess that’s probably because it wouldn’t be much of a game otherwise (“And so the final guardian perished, and the might Cabal took over the galaxy. Thanks for playing!”). I limp out of the burning city with only a pistol, shooting some strange spikey dog creatures that also barf up their souls when they die (seriously, what kind of bullets are you shooting in this game?). Eventually a woman with a hawk shows up and invites me back to her village, which serves as the game’s first social hub. By that point in the evening my narcolepsy starts kicking in, and I repeatedly fall asleep while kicking around a giant soccer ball, only to wake up a few minutes later to sight of my character being nuked for wandering out of bounds – always a good time to call it quits.

You thought I was joking about falling asleep, didn’t you? Think again!

While Destiny 2’s opening doesn’t leave the strongest impression (even by tutorial-level standards), it contains at least a few sparks of Bungie’s patented dynamic combat, and does a much better job setting up a story and villain than the first game. And while I wasn’t particularly blown away by anything in my first night (well, except for the out-of-bounds limit), my subsequent play sessions have been more emblematic of what Destiny 2 strives for: tense and challenging fire fights against formidable enemies; an addictive loot loop that has me switching up my arsenal at a satisfying pace; and fun public events that you can jump into during the final few seconds and still nab the rewards. There’s also the PvP that I’m sure I’ll get obliterated in, and co-op strikes and raids if I can ever get Jeff Cork to put down Path of Exile and play with me (oh how the tables have turned).

Oftentimes in my column I tend to either gush endless praise for a game or take a big dump on it, but so far Destiny 2 hasn’t elicited anything quite so extreme from me. I’m enjoying the combat and the sense of progression, despite the fact that my character feels more like a mute marionette puppet than a super hero (seriously, a silent protagonist? In 2017?). And while I’m enjoying the game more and more every night, I don’t know that I’ll be one of those crazy people who plays it obsessively for years on end.

Anyway, I continued writing down more impressions and anecdotes in the subsequent play sessions, but rather than weaving them all into a(n even) long(er) and (more) boring narrative, I’ll just throw them in with some pictures and videos, and use the extra time to play more of the game. If that’s not a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is!

Few games take the term “monster closet” more literally than Destiny 2. It’s seriously just a door with mysterious black smoke!

The European Dead Zone is like a taxi zone at the airport – ships are constantly coming in and dropping aliens off on the same street. You’d think they’d have a better invasion plan.

All joking aside, Bungie serves up some awesome sci-fi environments every now and then.

The hawk lady seems pretty cool. Even if she fell for the face dots.

Titan looks like an awesome neon-blue planet when you view it on the map, but it turns out it’s just Mother Base. Also, what’s with all these potato-chip bags?!

Sometimes Destiny 2’s combat suffers from the level design, with enemies funneling into murder canals because it’s the only path through the environment. Then again, sometimes it’s also fun to rack up a billion headshots in a row.

I ran across these two little frog aliens, which I’m assuming are Destiny’s equivalent of Statler and Waldorf. I’m hoping they play a big role in the story later on.

Not to get too deep into spoiler territory, but Cayde’s torrid love affair with this chicken is as emotionally touching as it is sexually graphic.

There are a lot of big balls in Destiny 2. Just saying.

Seriously, they’re all over the place.

Bungie says the EDZ is the biggest zone they’ve ever created, but I don’t know how that’s possible when every rig on Titan contains an endless sprawl of identical rooms and corridors. One time when I was hopelessly looking for an exit, I ran into a big knight-looking dude and received a Lost Sector banner when I defeated him. In my case the “Lost” was quite literal. Also, does anyone else find it weird that Titan is a class in Destiny 2 and also a planet? Too many Titans, Bungie!

I don’t even want to know what that is.

Breaking news: The totally useless spaceships return in Destiny 2! They’re not fooling anyone, but they do make for a pretty snazzy-looking loading screen.

Everyone spawns into the same location on The Farm, making you look like some horrific, multi-headed mutant. The extra arms would probably come in handy during battle, though.

I was super excited when I got sword from a treasure chest. A sword! Then I found out it’s some kind of weird magic sword that needs ammo. How the hell is that better than a rocket launcher?!

And finally, it’s not a sci-fi game if you don’t have floating rocks – and also point out said floating rocks to the player via NPC dialogue. In this case, ghost speculates that they’re caused by some kind of Hive magic. How’s that for science fiction!***

Need a few more laughs? Click on the banner below to check out Funny To A Point’s fancy-pants hub!

Funny To A Point – Heeding The Call In Destiny 2 was originally published on Tech News Center The Digital Generation

[sena-shi]

Protector of Teyvat (a troll hell-bent on reviving everyone just for fun) P—3

Isekai’d reader who is hell-bent on reviving everyone using your cheat code as the protector of Teyvat. With great power comes great benefits! Teyvat population stonks

Note: asmoday is the unknown god, reader also grants gnosis and visions, isekai, slight sagau in the future chapters, op reader

Summary: You are just a regular human being living your best life on Earth, collecting husbandos and waifus in Genshin Impact when all of a sudden you were isekai'd to Teyvat, but not as a traveler, a creator, or an NPC. You are a very close friend of both Celestia and the Unknown God, who is known as the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles. You also hold a very important position of the highest order because unbeknownst to the general populace, you are the Protector of Teyvat from the outside forces. 

And so imagine the Archon's faces when their dead friends suddenly came back to life just so they can accompany you together with Aether and Paimon on a journey to spit on the Celestia's face

Timeline in Teyvat when you got transmigrated: Before any wars happened. Zhongli is probably sucking on a dragon pacifier or something if that even exists.

Warning: curse words, slight ooc, lore flying over the ocean and going for a swim, author removed the lore from the irminsul so act like you know nothing of it, i'm putting the lore in the cheese grater

“As what I am trying to say, Lady Y/N… is quite… a peculiar person.”

Jean sighed and scratched her temples, beginning to feel stressed. "Stop going in circles and get to the point, Kaeya."

About half an hour has passed since Kaeya first started talking, and it does not seem like he is going to get straight to the point any time soon.

Paimon flew closer to you, who was visibly bored as you sat on a chair, whispering into your ears.

“Paimon thinks you broke him...”

You folded your arms and looked at the man who had been struggling to explain for about ten minutes with a quiet chuckle. His eyes met yours, and he instantly averted his gaze, an embarrassed expression on his face.

And even Lisa, who is standing next to Jean, has been staring at you for quite some time. Her gaze was strong despite the pleasant smile on her face.

“You flatter me, Captain Kaeya.”

Jean arched an eyebrow at you, seemingly perplexed.

“After all, I am just a normal human being trying to make a living.”

She blinked, trying to process everything that is going on. If you're only something like a traveling merchant, why is Kaeya acting as if he's forced to sing praises about you?

The entire room fell silent, and all eyes were fixed on you.

With a straight face, you answered calmly, "I sell visions and use fried eggs to resurrect the dead.”

The room fell into an awkward silence as Kaeya coughed so loudly that he flopped down on the ground and decided to become one with the floor.

"This is quite a change of events," Lisa said with a beautiful frown as she glanced at Kaeya, who was suffering in silence.

Jean shook her head in utter confusion as she pointed at Kaeya, "Just why is he acting like this...?"

“Oh!” Paimon exclaimed in realization of Jean's question. She rubbed the side of her head then stroke her chin, as if she didn't know how to explain everything.

“Uhm— uh… Paimon's not sure who this Crepus guy is, but when Y/N threw a fried egg somewhere, he poof out of the ground and insisted on going to his son instead of joining us to meet you here.”

"He even wanted Kaeya to come along, but this man had already left before we realized it!" Paimon yelled and pointed towards Kaeya.

Jean raised a brow in confusion, and Paimon spoke once again, "It’s not Paimon’s fault, I swear! He suddenly appeared, and Kaeya looked like he had seen a ghost... Paimon is guessing that he is someone important that Y/N randomly brought back to life to scold Kaeya for touching her."

“Oh, my archons…”

Lisa turned to stare at Jean, her eyes wide with confusion.

“If I know… Crepus is Master Diluc’s father.”

Lisa gasped, and Kaeya seemed to be dead with his face plastered to the ground.

“Oh?” You shrugged your shoulders, glancing out the window, unconcerned with what was going on around you.

Jean sighed, obviously disturbed. "How is this even possible? I'm sure even the archons can't—"

“Lady Y/N is not an archon…”

“I’m afraid I don’t quite follow, Kaeya.” 

“Lady Y/N is someone who is much higher than the archons…”

Lisa appeared to be captivated with the new knowledge and immediately turned to gaze at you with amazement. You, on the other hand, paid no attention to her and continued to stare out the window absentmindedly.

Will Timmie make a great archon?

What if I give Timmie a Pyro Vision to roast his pigeons?

If I revive little floatie’s friend, will I have two little Venti?

But what if little floatie's friend starts to feel embarrassed when he sees the huge statue that looks like him standing in the middle of Mondstadt?

If I slap Dain with a fried egg to remove the curse, will he get mad? I’m pretty sure I’d lose my arm before my hand can even come close…

“Someone… higher than the archons?” Jean mumbled to herself.

Paimon huffed, placing her hands on her hips and said confidently, "She is the Protector after all!"

Lisa's eyes twinkled with delight and respect at the new revelation. Back in Akademiya, she unintentionally read a forbidden book about Teyvat's Protector. It was believed to have been authored by the first Dendro Archon, but the book has since been lost or stolen.

There are no other records of you save for that single book, which she is keeping so discreetly that she even went to Mondstadt to keep it safe, despite the fact that the book has reduced her lifespan in half. But unexpectedly, the book mysteriously vanished.

It was recorded that the God of Wisdom has only encountered you once, when they had ascended one of the seven seats, and there were no more chances of meeting you again because you've been protecting Teyvat in the shadows. You've been keeping Teyvat so safe that you have no time to even mingle with them.

"However, I have a sneaking suspicion that the Celestia is trying to keep her highness away from the seven archons, particularly the Anemo Archon,” —  this was one of the numerous lines written by the God of Wisdom that Lisa will never forget having to read.

It was only a one-time meeting, but it was described that all the archons were overjoyed to catch a glimpse of you. There must not be any records preserved or knowledge of you because doing so will provoke the heavenly principles. It's most likely that this is the reason why Sumeru was dealt such a devastating blow back then. And with such a wealth of information, Lisa is left wondering why she is still alive.

And now that the two of you even have the chance to meet, she considers herself to be one of the fortunate people in Teyvat to have the opportunity to speak with you face to face. 

Jean cast a quick glance in the direction of the librarian, who has all of a sudden adopted a new attitude towards you. Now that she's thinking about it, she's curious to find out what information the librarian has about you.

"...before we came to the headquarters, there were at least three or four citizens who had been granted with a vision.” Kaeya shuddered.

“Kaeya’s speaking the truth! Even Paimon has lost count already! At this point, the entire Mondstadt could be dubbed as the nation of vision holders!”

Paimon's voice jolted you out of your daze, prompting you to respond, "...I thought we'd keep that a secret."

“Oh— right! Paimon’s sorry!”

You laughed, softly waiving your hands as a sign that everything was fine. You looked at Jean, who was suddenly staring at you with such reverence that she seemed to want to grovel before you.

You smiled at her. “Anyways, are we done here?”

"Ah, yes," Jean said awkwardly, looking over at Aether, who was staring at you attentively, "About the storm terror attack."

"Y/N and the Anemo Archon supported me," Aether said with a blank expression and a shrug of his shoulders.

“Oh goodness… you’re traveling with the protector and even met the Anemo Archon?” Lisa asked, her mouth slightly wide in surprise.

“Anemo Archon, Anemo Archon, ah— my little floatie is just so adorable. Maybe I should travel the worlds with him after resigning…” You muttered to yourself.

Aether and the other people in the room have all of a sudden become alerted, and their attention is focused on you. Even Kaeya suddenly straightened his posture, only to see you staring peacefully outside the windows.

After resigning!? Travel alone with the Anemo Archon!? Jealous, jealous, jealous—

The voices of Celestia and Asmoday can be heard wailing somewhere in the distance in the sky. They are most likely devising a plot to put you behind bars at this very moment.

It shouldn't come as a surprise if the Anemo Archon suddenly have a club of haters.

You started humming a tune as you became aware of the peaceful atmosphere that was beginning to arise.

You snorted and mockingly said, "Oh? What exactly am I seeing? We've barely known each other for a day, and you're already obsessed with me?"

They all choked in embarrassment, turning away to hide their flushed cheeks.

You cocked your head to the side, amused, as they all began babbling silly reasons just to cover themselves up.

“W—well, it’s not everyday that you get to meet someone like— like—”

“Paimon thinks Y/N feels comfy to be around! Paimon’s not obsessed at all!”

Aether quickly agreed with a nod.

“Right, right, alright. If you people are still interested in discussing the stormterror attack, then I'll just leave you to it,” You gave them a soft smile as you floated right up from your seat and waved your hand before making the decision to vanish with a poof in order to bestow even more visions and cause more chaos.

"Don't look for me, I'm going to meet someone," They heard your voice echoing inside their thoughts, and it made them feel even greater animosity towards the person you are talking about.

“We don’t even want to talk about stormterror attack anymore!”

"…sigh. I wanted to listen more of her voice," Lisa grumbled, and Jean feels the same.

“She must’ve felt uncomfortable, she doesn’t want people talking about her after all.” Aether clicked his tongue in displeasure before running out the room with Paimon to find you.

"Just how am I going to explain everything to Diluc?" Kaeya chuckled bitterly as he slumped tiredly in the chair.

Thank the Gods you got away before they could get their paws on you. But it doesn't mean they won't pursue you.

“Woah! The birds are flocking to you!" Timmie talked happily, obviously amazed as he watched you almost completely covered in birds as you leaned on the parapet to watch the water race by.

"They're rather... heavy." You whispered, attempting to remain still while the birds that usually flew away at the sight of people treated you like a tree.

"Oh yeah! You're like God!"

You gave him a small grin as you looked down at him. "What makes you think that?"

“Well, I've heard stories about Lord Barbatos being so close to birds that he'd even fly alongside them! You're exactly like him!”

The birds chirped happily, rubbing their heads against your cheek as if they wanted to be complimented.

You snorted, trying to image Barbatos flying alongside the birds. You could say that your mind created a pretty humorous image.

Venti sat on top of the statue of the Anemo Archon, blushing profusely at what the wind had relayed to him. He's too sober enough to listen to your conversation, and he wishes he'd gone straight to the tavern to get drunk instead of stalking you.

But he wouldn't pass up an opportunity to see you.

"You seem to love pigeons a lot; do you wish to fly with them as well?"

“Yeah… I believe it would be cool, and maybe I'll be able to find daddy..."

You agreed with a little nod, calmly watching the river flow gently while Timmie stares in awe at how the sun rays were focused towards you, creating a lovely scene.

"Who knows, maybe you'll be reunited with your father soon," You spoke while remaining motionless in your position and gazing at the rushing river.

Timmie nodded, little relieved by your remarks. He has always waited, and he will never get tired of waiting.

“Hm?”

“What is it?”

You ignored Timmie as you cast a glance at the gates, sensing that at least four or five individuals were approaching you.

"I'm afraid our little bonding has to come to an end here."

Timmie pouted and mumbled cutely, "But me and my pigeons like you."

You amusedly ruffled his hair as you giggled at his antics.

"How about you come to me when you're lonely?" You smiled as you took his hands in your own and placed a glowing Anemo vision in his palm.

And then maybe when someone tries to hurt your pigeons, you can airbend the shit out of their lungs.

Timmie gaped, his gaze drawn to the vision in his hands and your bright, smiling face. He began stammering, his brain attempting to absorb everything that was happening at the moment.

Oh my god— oh my god— was all he could think of.

“Lady Y/N!” Jean and the others said in unison.

"See you soon," you said quietly, ignoring the people who were approaching you at an incredible pace, giving Timmie one last pat on the head before disappearing to slap someone with a fried egg somewhere else.

Because seriously, why is everyone so clingy to you when it comes to you? Can't a protector have a little peace in their lives?

Timmie stood motionless, a vision in his hands while his mind went haywire.

Daddy, daddy, I think I just met a God!

“Protecto—”

Before they even had a chance to finish their sentence, a fried egg came flying at them at a high rate of speed, and the runny egg yolk came splattering into their face.

You mumbled something under your breath while opening your eyes with a weary expression and blinking several times in an effort to clear the haze from your vision. They just can't seem to give you some space, even if it's just for a moment, can they not? You're literally trying to get some sleep!

The abyss mage who had just been smacked by a fried egg started to emit light as though the curse was in the process of being broken. Something shattered inside of their soul as they shed the last bit of monstrosity that had clung onto them for hundreds of years.

You found a comfortable position on the grass and leaned back against the tree. And off to the side of your vision, you can make out a woman with blond hair who is dressed in white and blue.

You fixed your attention on her, and by the expression on her face, you could see how genuinely surprised she was by what she had witnessed. Her eyes gleamed with much interest and reverence as they locked onto yours.

You immediately felt an inside sigh of frustration when you realize that you’re going to have another traveler who will try to cling onto you.

Lumine suddenly stepped up, and her voice is just as endearing as that of her twin brother. 

"It is an honor to meet our savior," she said. It was a display of respect, but you are too sharp to even believe those words. You are their savior, but that does not imply that they are obligated to treat you with the utmost respect.

You responded with a faint hum as you quickly pulled an abyss mage close to you to use as a pillow, unaware to the jealous stares that Lumine was giving you. 

“Are you here to meet with your twin?”

“I am not… ready to face him,” Lumine whispered softly while her face distorted into an agonized expression, as if she were thinking back on the times she spent with her twin brother.

"Help him with Dvalin," you said, your cheek resting on the back of your hand. You almost laughed when you saw her slightly frown at you. They were the ones that made Dvalin act like that, thus they should be the ones to clean up their mess.

“But—”

"I'm posing as your twin's guide right now, and if this storm terror problem isn't fixed by the end of the week, how am I meant to leave Mondstadt to search for and save the people of your nation?"

"I absolutely want to retire, sigh..." you mumbled, squeezing the abyss mage's cheeks in frustration.

"I suppose you have a point," Lumine answered, nodding her head in understanding. Maybe she can even take a break and check how her twin brother is doing in this world.

"Wonderful, you finally understand!" You replied enthusiastically, and your smile is so dazzling that Lumine feels like she's staring directly into the sun.

"Then, after cleaning up the mess that Celestia made, the two of you can leave Teyvat and continue on your journey."

“Perhaps after you've completed your journey in this world, I can go get some wine, retire, eh... maybe mingle with the humans and spend time with Venti, and...” You started rambling, not noticing how Lumine's face darkened at your words, suggesting that they should leave this world and continue their journey in another.

And Venti? That Barbatos? Lumine fumed whilst you are clueless that your little floatie had earned another hater.

And what if she refuses to leave? What if she desires to know more about you? What if Aether and her decide to bring you along with them on their journey across the worlds?

Far above in the clouds, the Celestia added another name to one of their most hated lists.

Barbatos

Archons

Travelers

You coughed and paused, embarrassed to disclose your life plans after retiring. Lumine, on the other hand, appears to be listening attentively, as though unconcerned with the fact that you're essentially begging them to leave.

Sighing heavily, you decided to put your plan of slapping them with a fried egg in the back of your mind and work on properly removing their curse.

Lumine kept an eye on you, observing how sincere you've become in your treatment of her allies. As your look became more serious, your hand smoothly glided to touch them without even a trace of revulsion.

Perhaps the unknown God isn’t going to be the one who will trap them in this world this time. Maybe you will be the new reason, and she will willingly stay just to uncover your mystery.

Aether, my twin brother, how about we postpone our journey for a while? Surely you felt the same way when you first met her?

sumimasorry for the late update, I was busy crying over my artifact substat and made a kazuscara ff instead

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well anyways, after this I'm going to hide, make fried eggs, and do my forgotten comms